That's actually a lie, I've taken up thinking about taking up running. The thought is in its early stages but it might go somewhere. It occurred to me that being a writer of a high paced thriller it would be an idea if I had some experience of being in a high paced thrilling chase. Unfortunately, when experimenting with this particular role play I realised very quickly that I am most definitely a soon-to-be-dead character in any type of adventure novel.
My biggest hurdle - pun most definitely intended - is that exercise and me have never been on very good terms. Exercise seems to resent me for my inability to run or jump very well and I resent exercise for giving me stitch and making me sweat. But it was pointed out to me that, for all my extremely sensible planning for the zombie apocalypse, I haven't really made any efforts to sort myself out for the inevitable.
FYI: Sensible planning for the zombie apocalypse includes but is not limited to: armory, food stores, fortified house, fresh water supply, and the all important reserved apocalypse toothbrush.
I also figured that since I put my characters through massive amounts of physical activity it was about time I showed a little bit of solidarity and moved a few muscles myself - if only for the purposes of research.
The first step was to buy an exercise bike. Buying things comes very naturally to me. Unpacking and building less so. But after I left the country for a weekend I found the husband fairies had put the bike together in an attempt to encourage my sudden interest in healthy living.
Now the exercise bike is brilliant. I discovered after day two that if you stick a bit of tape to the screen you can stick your Kindle in place and I can read about a chapter ever 2k. Pretty impressive right? I mean my heart rate was racing and so what if that was down to the latest John Connolly novel - who needs to break a sweat?
Okay the exercise bike couldn't fight this get fit battle alone and that's where running comes in. The plan is to train to run 5k by May. Sounds easy right I mean that's two and a bit chapters!
Unfortunately I'm not built for running. I'm built more for being a bouncy castle. Although I'm trying to get inspiration from a quick sprint down the local lane, trying to put my mind into focus and understand what my characters are thinking, in reality I am more like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man on the verge of a massive cardiac arrest.
I think it's hard being a writer and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Every free hour I have is spent at a computer living in a fantasy world, surviving off a diet of coffee and jelly beans. I sit until the early hours of the morning crafting a world where people can climb down buildings and leap off trains (spoiler!). There's so much action to write it's pretty exhausting. But wait a minute. They say that just thinking about exercise burns calories so that must mean each one of my books is like doing an action packed 5k run right? Maybe?
Yeah, even I'm not buying that one. So I guess that means that next week I'll be embarking on my own Running Game. Less guns and gangsters and more cow shit spattered roads and sunburn. Wish me luck. Break a leg.